Pot Plants
by haveyouseenmyhaggis
Summary: This is for the RRA. It will make little sense to anyone else. This is the reason behind a group of teenage girls' phobia of pot plants. Very traumatic. No flames. This isn't a serious piece. It's just a thing for my friends and I.


**Title: Pot Plants**

**Summary: This is for the RRA. It will make little sense to anyone else. This is the reason behind a group of teenage girls' phobia of pot plants. Very traumatic.**

**Author's Note: This was hard to write. The girls on the RRA will understand. I wrote this at about five in the morning last week on the motorway down to England for my holidays. I hope this will enlighten some of the new members to the RRA why pot plants are unmentionable. I would say enjoy but I dunno if that's the right word. I'm not sure this is exactly how it happened, I can't remember or find the place in the forum so I just improvised. It gets the point across I reckon. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Torchwood, Robin Hood BBC _or _Doctor Who. _**

**Dedication: This is for the RRA! Obviously.**

* * *

The RRA headquarters was its usual hectic self and the night had begun as normally as it ever could for the gang of hyper, insane teenagers. They were playing music as loud as they possibly could and great deals of sugary foods were being consumed. Suddenly, the music was turned off abruptly by Lady Clark who then rounded on a slightly panicked looking Jack Harkness and yelled, "Out! Get out now!" The room was suddenly painfully silent as everyone watched the scene.

"Look, if you girls will leave your bedroom doors unlocked I will-," Jack began with some awkward fidgeting that was highly out of character of the usually confident and brave Captain.

"No you bloody well won't go rummaging in our drawers!" Lady Clark snared furiously.

"Not again," Paula sighed, rolling her eyes and flopping down on a sofa looking vaguely irritated but also amused, "Didn't you learn your lesson last time, Jack?"

"Er…" Jack mumbled nervously scuffing the toe of his boot on the ground.

Ianto groaned and wandered over to Jack and turned to Lady Clark, "I'm sure he didn't mean-."

"Of course he meant to be in there!" she snapped furiously, "Urgh, just get out! All of you! Out! Now!"

"Hey, don't tar us all with the same brush!" Allan A Dale protested weakly but he quickly shut up when Lady Clark reached for her treasured carving knife.

"Just quit while you're behind, Allan," Zebbie sniggered as she sat down beside Paula and helping herself from the bowl of chocolate buttons that rested on the arm of the chair.

"Well said, Zebbie," Paula nodded as she sipped her glass of cola contentedly.

"Let's go to the pub," Jack sighed bitterly. There was a general murmur of assent from the rest of the male population in the RRA headquarters.

"They're well used to us there," Owen nodded as he shrugged on his jacket thinking of the cute young barmaid who'd commented on the ridiculous amount of times the guys ended up spending nights sprawled on the pub sofas.

"Drowning our sorrows," Allan grumbled.

"Mourning the loss of our precious body parts," Much added dejectedly. His statement was followed by numerous worried glances in Lady Clark's direction and several shudders.

"Just get out now while you still can," she hissed and all the men made a mad dash towards the exit. When the door was closed behind them, Lady Clark turned to the two other girls and grinned, "Now, let's carry on partying!" The music was turned on again and a glitter ball was dragged out from somewhere and after a while the party was in full swing again. After a while, Mira and Deannie wandered in and looked around at the emptiness of the building.

"Where are the guys?" Mira demanded with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Yeah, it's too quiet," Deannie mused, sticking her hands in her pockets and noting the distinct lack of mass destruction in the headquarters.

"We threw them out," Lady Clark said casually with a grin. "They shouldn't be back before morning."  
No sooner had the words left her mouth than there was a knock at the door. Zebbie cut the music and wandered towards the door and tugged it open looking slightly puzzled. The rest of the girls crowded around her and as one they groaned at the sight of the police officer standing in front of them. He looked uncomfortable for a moment and gazed from one impatient face to the next. He tried not to notice the multitude of posters of guys that had been pinned up all around the room. He straightened his collar and took a deep breath.

"What've they done now?" Paula demanded impatiently.

"Er. I'm P.C Hartwell. I'm assuming you recognise these men?" he held up a photograph of all the RRA guys.

"Yeah, they're with us," Zebbie nodded.

"Are they in trouble?" Deannie asked with delight sparkling in her eyes.

"Indecent exposure, complete intoxication, rowdy behaviour and sexual harassment-," the officer listed before the girls all cut him off as one.

"What?"

"Pardon?"

"No way!"

"Who were they harassing?"

The officer shifted from foot to foot and his face flamed scarlet, "Pot plants." Seeing the girls' incredulous looks, he carried on explaining, "They were caught kissing, hugging, fondling, proposing to and even-."

"No!" Paula squeaked, covering her ears, "I get the picture."

"And not a nice picture at that," Mira said wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"They are so dead," Lady Clark grumbled before smiling sweetly at the officer, "Metaphorically, of course." The rest of the gang knew this, at least in Jack's case, was not going to be entirely metaphorical.

"Can we have them back?" Paula asked tentatively.

"Yes!" the officer said a little too quickly. "Take them!" For a moment a look of complete horror crossed the man's face and each and every one of the RRA girls knew that the officer was going to be as mentally scarred by the whole incident as they were.

One by one, the guys were released from the back of the police van and they shuffled, crawled or stumbled back into the headquarters in various stages of drunkenness. It wasn't until the police officer was gone that they noticed Allan hiding in the corner whispering urgently to something in his arms. "Oh baby, I just-."

"Get that think out of here!" Mira yelled furiously and Allan started and his eyes widened.

"But Mira-!"

"Get it out!"

"But she understands me!"

"Get it out!"

"But she's gorgeous!"

"Out!"

"But I-." Suddenly Allan dropped to the floor out for the count. Zebbie smiled shiftily as she threw Paula's stun gun back to her looking rather proud of herself. Deannie was trying to wrestle a particularly leafy pot plant out of Much's grip and then Jack produced a small, delicate shrub in a pot from inside his jacket.

Paula made to snatch it from him but Ianto grabbed her hand. "I wouldn't touch it if I were you," he said in disgust sounding the most sober of everyone, "After what Jack did to the poor thing."

"Ew!" everyone winced. Zebbie sighed and wandered off to put the milk on to boil for several steaming mugs of hot chocolate – the only thing that might have some chance of getting them over what they'd just discovered about their guys. For the next few months, pot plants continually appeared randomly in baths, beds, wardrobes, fridges, showers, toilets and many more obscure places. The pot plant became an object of horror for the girls in the RRA so they made a rule: pot plants were to be banned from the headquarters. They were never to be mentioned again and this a law the girls still uphold today.


End file.
